woof, this one's crazy! more on the same gal. i was slightly high on beer when i wrote this. sometimes, the chicken soup books can piss a guy off, even if he hasn't even read 'em. if you don't fully get this one, don't worry. it's s'posed to be vague. but you gotta admit, it's kinda intense!! dekko...
More sleepless nights. More day-dreams. The familiar feeling of emptiness within. You haven’t left me. And you were never with me. You were always somewhere, tantalisingly close, yet always out of reach. Is it because I never tried to reach you? Is it because I was beaten to it? Is it because I was too scared of what you would say? But what is it now? Why have you come back into my head? Why do you torment me? Why can’t you leave me in peace? Why can’t I say that I love you?
Love is a feeling. I’m in love with the feeling. I’m not in love with you. I’m in love with the feeling. Just the elation of seeing the one who inspires those feelings. Just the lightness of my limbs, the energy, the smiles, the rosiness of the world, just the feeling. Not you, just the feeling. But why do you keep giving me the feeling?
Leave me alone. I don’t want to be with you. I can’t be with you. I won’t be with you. I love you…
I don’t see your face as easily as I used to in my imagination. Again, it’s the feeling. You just happen to be around, again. She left me, left a void. I thought I was over it. I thought it didn’t matter. I can’t be so vulnerable again. But why did you come back? Are you my weakness? Will you be my strength? Can you feel for me the way I feel for you?
What did you mean? “…if everything works out, and if we get married, will you give up eating meat for me?” What did you mean? Was it just a joke? You don’t know what you do to me, do you? Or do you?
Dreams. Dreams of spending mornings, afternoons, evenings, nights, dawns, everything with you. Forever. Eternity. A bond till death. May I die first. May your spirit forever live. “…and if we get married…” What did you mean?
Don’t smile. I melt at the sight. I hate you. I can’t win with you. I don’t want to win with you. I wont win with you. I don’t hate you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Shut up!! Get out of my head. I love you.
Chicken soup. Your first love. How could you? A test? A bloody test? Did you not know what you were doing? How could you? Intimate details of your thoughts on another man? And of all men, that bastard? How could you? Why? Why show it to me? Do you like to see me crumble? Do you want to see me break? I am broken. I am torn. I am empty. Fill me. Complete me. Save me. No!!! I am not weak. I can live without you. I have, I will. If animal existence is life. I will live. Leave me alone.
But you will never leave, will you? You haven’t left my mind. Not for four years when my eyes never saw you. You were always there. You would turn up anywhere. The attached pouch on the side upper berth of the AC sleeper. The hoarding. The ad in the paper. Goddammit!! Everywhere. Why can’t you just go away?
I love you. There, I said it! Did you hear it? Can you see it in my eyes. Can you look beyond the sardonic smile? Can you see the desperate disguise, the hopeless cover up? Am I doing a good job at hiding it? Can you see that I love you?
Too many questions. Too many questions. Silver lining. Wake up. Is this a dream? Are you real. Is it my imagination. Is it just the feeling. Do I love you? Can I love you? Fill me. Complete me.
Love me.
Damn it all!!!
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- Da
- i've noticed that we tend to spill our guts out to complete strangers, knowing their relevance extends only to the moment. this is my vent, and you are my stranger. people i know may read this, some may find themselves being written about. your relevance extends to the time you read this blog, as again, you are my stranger. try not to be judgemental, if you can...
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4 comments:
An unsaid word... an incomplete phrase, an altered view... they don't say it all but say enough... "more sleepless nights" doesn't paint the whole picture but paints enough! I don't know who the girl is, man,... but she has caused enough pain... may be has felt enough pain too....Your ramblings are confused yet are profoundly painful..... They speak of finality and yet of half hidden hope... They show a strong man and yet one who is cowering with pain inside.... waiting for your next one... Remember without enduring Great pain there is no claim to Greatness...
love is over rated bro... its all a work of your biochemistry. lay off and stop messing with your readers, what happened to the Bikram Choudhuri i knew in college? we do need to catch up on our lives pretty soon man.
whoa!! whoa!! whoa!!.. can we get a lil more beer around here.. this party's just startin...why's the rum gone???
comin back to a saner comment,well written sir..the beer did find its mark..and yeah,vague as it may be.. nobody would like any amounta articulation in this one..hits the target just as fine..
u cant sound like this..ur not how u sound..so don sound like this..i remain anonymous for d sake of convenience but i know u can guess who i am..
u cant sound like this coz u cant be like this..not coz its not like u and not coz i don like it..i know u don care how u sound but it melts my heart ......not only coz now i know how u felt but coz now i know that u'll never feel like this again..or may be u will or will it be too late?
and more than all this coz u cant sound so much like me when i used to be in love..with a person and this is how i sound when i fall in love with love..
hope u dint give up on love ..coz even if u did or u thought u did..u'll find it..and i know u don need nobody to remind u of it..
don change
v few people can feel let alone feel like this..
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